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Author Archive | Debra

Steer Your Heart to the Truth

What do you want?  It’s an innocuous question on the surface.

steeringA million times a day we make decisions: The black shoes instead of the brown. A tuna sandwich for lunch. An hour of reality TV and then an hour of reading before bed.

When I think of that question, my mind drifts to the Tom Hanks line from You’ve Got Mail: “The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat, etc. So people who don’t know what the hell they’re doing or who on earth they are can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self: Tall. Decaf. Cappuccino.”

We make a gazillion decisions on any given day, so of course we know what we want.

Right?

Well. If you’re like a lot of people, the answer to “what do you want” may come out “I don’t know.”

I hear it often. I’ve been known to utter these words myself. (In fact, as recently as two months ago, I was called on it by a dear friend when I answered a question about my writing this way.)

The truth, my dear, is this: you do know. At least, the deepest part of your heart knows.

Sometimes the answer to the question “what do you want” is rarely“I don’t know,” but instead comes out as a shopping list of “shoulds” revolving around perfection. Answers like “I want to be a perfect wife, mother, and employee.”

Feeling the need to “be perfect” sets us up for a constant dialogue with our Inner Critic. We base our idea of perfection on the outside world views: a white picket fence, baking cookies, and being a hot sex-kitten for our man. (Or for my guys out there, it’s working hard to bring home the bacon, playing a great game of golf and one-on-one basketball, and being the strong, supportive, sensitive partner at all times.)

Now, while I’m a big lover of cookies – and I believe that you (yes, you) are a hotty-hot sex kitten deep inside, I’m here to tell you, darling, that continuing to strive for the perfection based on what the outside world – also known as “they” – should look like is a path to dissatisfaction with your life.

Look. I know to the depths of my soul that you desire – and fully deserve – to be happy.

To discover what your soul desires, though, you’re going to have to listen to your heart and soul for the truth. It’s about gently steering yourself in the right direction.

Only you can define what happy looks like to you. Only you can define what satisfaction feels like.

I know that this is scary territory for some. I cannot tell you the umpteen times that I have sat across the table from (or at the other end of the phone) from someone who realized they were afraid of the answers even more than of the questions. And then to be a witness to the discovery that the desire to begin living life is stronger than the pain, the numbness, and the fear of simply existing.

I have faith that you can find your heart’s desires. That you can be happy. That you can feel joyful and satisfied and proud.

It starts with facing the simple question of “What do I want”.  And answering it with truth.

If you are ready to explore now, begin by asking yourself these questions:

  • What is the best thing about my life?
  • What is my best quality?
  • How do I want to feel?
  • Why do I want to feel ________?
  • When I answer “what” I want, what is the first thing that comes to mind?
  • Why do I want _________?
  • What do I know I don’t want in my life?
  • How can I begin to let go?

Are you ready to clear your mind but not sure where to start? Need a little help uncovering the answers? Realize you’re not quite sure what questions to even ask yourself? 30 Days to Clarity: Clearing Brain Clutter – Discovering Your Heart’s Desires is a loving place to start.

Now Available as a Fully-Downloadable Course.

Upon signing up you’ll receive a workbook containing all 30 lessons. There are also dozens of worksheets and writing prompts to take you from cobwebs in your brain to a clear thinking and the ability to listen to the small, still voice of your heart.

No more waiting for the course to begin or that next email. You can begin at any time.

ClarityPurchaseButton
Designed to help you clear out the brain clutter that is drowning out the voices of your heart and soul. You’ll gain clarity by getting to know yourself and what the core of you really want.

You deserve to fall head over heels in love with your life.

The Investment: $21

Swing Into a Life You Love

I have spent the bulk of this past week virtually unplugged. I’ve also been in bed before 9:30 almost every night this week, had a long lunch with 21744010670513344_iPBV1YUh_ca good friend, and lingered over a glass of wine while listening to work stories from my partner and his colleagues.

At the same time, I’ve worked on a re-design of this website (which is almost *there*), chatted with clients and connected with some fellow coaches.

It’s been a damned good week.

It’s been a week where I’ve walked my talk.

I’ve indulged in some extreme self-care by listening to my body (lots of extra rest) and my soul (by unplugging from the internet).

I’ve fallen more deeply in love with my partner (damn I adore that man).

I’ve embraced what I love about my life and staying on path to what my number one priority is.

All because I am crystal clear about what my heart and soul desires.

Darling: life is short.

If you forgo sleep for work on a regular basis, your work will become less brilliant because your body needs rest. If you forgo connection with your partner or friends, the threads of connection grow weak.

If you forgo laughter because life is serious, then my love, you are missing the point of life.

Life is serious, yes – and it isn’t a bed of roses all the time, but it can be amazing if you allow it. You deserve joy and laughter into your world.

Get in touch with what your heart and soul wants. Get crystal clear about your priorities. Keep those priorities at the forefront of mind as you traverse through your days.

If you are struggling with what you want – or feel that you are simply observing your life instead of living it – I have created a class that will help you clear brain clutter.

Not every day is perfect and we all hit some bumps along the way, but on the whole big picture of things, it should even out to being a damned good week for you too.

If it’s not, then we should chat, sweetheart. Because you deserve it.

If you aren’t madly in love with your life, then now is the time to swing into a life that you are in love with.

As I said, my dear: life is short.

Are you ready to clear your mind but not sure where to start? Need a little help uncovering the answers? Realize you’re not quite sure what questions to even ask yourself? 30 Days to Clarity: Clearing Brain Clutter – Discovering Your Heart’s Desires is a loving place to start.

2015 – Course Dates:

Now Available as a Fully-Downloadable Course.

Upon signing up you’ll receive a workbook containing all 30 lessons. There are also dozens of worksheets and writing prompts to take you from cobwebs in your brain to a clear thinking and the ability to listen to the small, still voice of your heart.

No more waiting for the course to begin or that next email. You can begin at any time.

ClarityPurchaseButton

Size Doesn’t Matter

At Least When It Comes to Clutter

housewife_nina_by_alison_wonderlandMy thoughts have been centered on what it means to be clear about the direction of your life – all kinds of clutter.

I’ve talked about the turning point in my life, when I finally got that no amount of stuff will make you happy, and I’m betting when some of you hear the word “clutter,” you think of an episode of Hoarders or Clean House or crazy cat ladies. You envision closets stuffed with a century of clothes and “Mount Wash-More” in the laundry room. You imagine guests arriving, but being unable to walk into a room because of crap on the floor and piles of papers and dishes on the counters.

This is clutter in the big sense of the word.

And ten years ago, my world could be described in that way. If we were having guests, there was an hour of panic as things were stuffed into closets and under beds.

When I learned to love myself – the real me – I began to shed clutter and get the bulk of my physical world in order. As my physical world began to shape up, my doubts about my purpose on this planet began to shape up too.

Life crystallizes when your physical space is in order.

But that isn’t the only clutter I had in my mind’s eye when I was creating this course.

“Clutter is not just the stuff on your floor—it’s anything that stands between you and the life you want to be living.” — Peter Walsh

We live a pretty uncluttered life, in the big sense of the word. My bed is made daily. An unexpected visitor could pop over and I wouldn’t be embarrassed. In fact, I could quickly produce a snack and a beverage without needing to dig around for it.

Nevertheless, there is a reason I chose “streamline” as my bonus word for the first three months of 2012. My days are not as productive as they could be, and much of that productivity loss is due to clutter in the smaller sense of the word.

The last quarter of 2011 was busy for JB and I. We made three trips to Chicago, spent a week in New York, and a long weekend in DC. We went to holiday parties and had a houseguest. We also completely redecorated the dining room, the living room, the family room, and breakfast nook. In all that busy-ness, I fell out of many of the routines I have in place that keep me organized.

Papers didn’t get filed and new files weren’t set up for all the new purchases. When I went to pull a pair of scissors out of the “junk drawer” in the kitchen, I found receipts, pens, gum but no scissors. I baked four cakes and twelve dozen cookies in a week, but had to dig around for the cinnamon – a must in everything I bake.

And I don’t even want to mention the disorder in my closet.

Some folks may see these pockets of small clutter as no big deal and part of living an average life. Who cares, right? Everything I mentioned is in a place that can be hidden away if an unexpected visitor popped by.

But what if I told you that each pocket of clutter I am accepting as “normal” was what was really distracting me from my best work?

Our minds are creative creatures. That old lizard brain wants to keep us safe and unchanged, and clutter helps keep us from stepping into our best possible living.

Big clutter and small clutter – this is a case where size really doesn’t matter.

Everything has energy: the cup we drink our coffee out of, the outfit we wear to work, our beautifully made bed and the stack of laundry. We need the energy in our lives to focus on our work, for our dreams, for challenges and for staying healthy.

Every time we encounter something in our world that is undone, incomplete, or overdue, our energy to focus on what matters the most is drained.

We need to pay attention to what we are telling our subconscious minds when we hold on to clutter. Every time you open a drawer and have to look for something, your mind refocuses. It turns to the task of finding scissors and distracts you from writing that chapter of your book, that blog post, that sales letter or the perfect line of a song.

When energy is consistently flowing out to things that don’t really matter or to things that distract you, you have to play tricks in order to get by. You have to “get more” things to keep your energy up.

I could decide to “get organized” and to do it all NOW. I would start the day with a couple of back-to-back Venti Mochas from Starbucks, launch into hyper mode, and run around like a crazy woman clearing my spaces. I’ve done that before and ended up somewhat organized. I also end up exhausted and no clearer in my thinking beyond “clean”.

Or. I can do what I know works – and what 30 Days to Clarity: Clutter Busting Edition can do for you: get things streamlined, de-cluttered, and organized in small, steady doses.

This approach allows us to slowly add routines and build a momentum of organization, without the exhaustion at the end.

It also adds to – instead of draining – that precious energy.

Getting clear in your life by dealing with your clutter – big clutter and small clutter – will allow you to direct your precious energy towards creating the clear path to a life lived in the zone.


Getting clear in your life by dealing with your physical clutter (big clutter and small clutter) will allow you to direct your precious energy towards creating the clear path to living your best possible life.

Out of the Vault for 2017: Beginning Sunday, September 17th

Clutter Busting Edition – Course Investment: $21

Seeking Treasure?

When I was a little girl, my mother would soothe away a bad day by buying me a new treasureisyouBarbie, a Nancy Drew book, or new barrettes. She would make up after a fight during my teenage years by buying me a new pair of shoes or a sweater. When I became an adult, I was convinced that the answer to soothing negative feelings was the purchase of new linens or a sweater. I believed that happiness could be found with purchased treasures. Soon, my home became filled with knick knacks, dishes, and way too many clothes.

When I was in my 30s, I discovered that no amount of stuff would make me happy.

I began shedding things in all areas of my world. I got divorced.  About a month after it was final, a good friend of mine spent several hours helping me get rid some of the stuff that cluttered my world.

After we finished, we dragged everything to the curb. I still recall standing there looking at the piles of unnecessary and useless stuff that I didn’t love and didn’t need yet had spent untold sums of money on. I wondered how I could have believed that the piles of possessions could fix my marriage or make me feel happy or secure. At that moment, gazing upon trash, I was wowed at how my heart felt.

My heart soared for I had rediscovered faith in myself, not possessions.

I learned that in order to begin living the life I knew I was meant to be, I needed to begin to let go of perfection, as well as allow myself to feel.

There are many reasons that people surround themselves with stuff.

Sometimes, buying something makes you feel good for a little while. Sometimes, we think that if we have enough money, we will be happy. Sometimes, we think that with the right brand of jeans or shoes, or the newest cell phone, we won’t be sad or lonely.

Though I shed a lot of stuff in those first few months after my divorce, as time passed, I discovered that there was still some clutter in my world.

When I was in my 40s, my mother died. If you’ve read my blog before, you may recall the epiphany I had shortly after her death.

After my mom died in the summer of 2010, my sister and I helped our father clean out Mom’s closet. I was saddened at the volume of stuff. We ended up with twelve 50-gallon trash bags full of clothing, shoes, belts and handbags. Many of the clothes still had the price tags on them. Lots of the shoes were unworn.

I’ll be honest. My mother was an unhappy woman. No matter how many new clothes and pretty shoes she had, she couldn’t find satisfaction in life.

I realized that no amount of stuff will make you happy.

And in fact, too much stuff can actually stand between you and the most amazing life that you were meant to live.

Everything has energy. Everything from the clothing that you wear, to the books on your shelf, to the coffee cup on your counter.

After Mom died, I really got the fact that everything in my environment had energy.

I began to shed stuff.

Six months after Mom died, I sold my house in Texas. I reduced belongings filling 2000 square feet of space down to a 5×5 storage space, what would fit in my car, and the couple of suitcases of clothing I had brought to Ohio on previous trips.

I discovered that happiness and satisfaction came from within.

Look around you.

Have you been filling your space with stuff to make yourself feel better? Do your surroundings enhance your life or make you feel stressed? Is your wardrobe made up of tasteful pieces that you will wear for seasons to come or is it crammed with items you rarely wear?

If you are seeking treasure, I can tell you where it’s found.

The treasure in your life isn’t stuff. It’s YOU.

YOU are an amazing individual with a beautiful soul and a great heart. You have special gifts to share with those around you. You may just need to dig it out under the things you’ve got covering it up!

Clearing clutter out of your physical space is a step towards getting clearer about your purpose in life.

It’s challenging to life your best life when you are surrounded by too much stuff. It’s also overwhelming and can be challenging as to where to start.

What if I could help you?

I may not be able to come over and help you sort through your closet, but I can be there in spirit. 

If you want to begin to peel away the layers of clutter that have hardened your mind’s ears to the voice of your heart but don’t know where to begin, I’d be honored for you to join me for 30 Days to Clarity: Clutter Busting edition. We’ll get things streamlined, de-cluttered, and organized in small, steady doses.

Darling, life is short and you deserve to spend it marching along the path to loving your life, not tripping over a pile of shoes.

In order to make space in your life for the new and brilliant to come in – you have to release the old and crusty.

Out of the Vault for 2017: Beginning Sunday, September 17th

Clutter Busting Edition – Course Investment: $21

How 30 Days to Clarity: Clutter Busting Works

I created the Clutter Busting Course to help you slowly clear your physical spaces. Each day of the class, an email will be delivered each day to your inbox with a task for the day to help you shed physical clutter. Each task will take less than 30 minutes – some will take less than five.

  • With each daily email, you’ll begin to create an environment that is rich and supportive of your dreams.
  • I’ll also be sharing some tips for getting out of the house each morning with less drama.
  • There will be bonus tips on prepping your home for the holidays – and guests!
  • And we’ll have tips, too, on how to set up a system so that you won’t miss important bills.

No matter how organized – or disorganized – you may be feeling now, by the end of the course, you’ll feel worlds lighter. It also promises to be a fun, effective and affordable way to make space in your life for what matters most.
Getting clear in your life by dealing with your physical clutter (big clutter and small clutter) will allow you to direct your precious energy towards creating the clear path to living your best possible life.

Want more details? Click here for the 411.

Beginning Sunday, September 17th

Clutter Busting Edition – Course Investment: $21

Clutter Busting Edition

Next Class begins Sunday, July 17th

The investment:

  • Course Only – Investment of $27.00 
  • Course Plus One 45-Minute one-on-one Coaching Session: Investment: $97.

One of the biggest lessons I have learned is that you cannot welcome new things into your life if you don’t release some of the old stuff.  You need to  begin to purge things from your life.

The first thing to consider releasing is physical stuff.  If you don’t love it, it doesn’t fit, it reminds you of unhappy memories, or doesn’t feel congruent with who you felt like when you were daydreaming and building your big old list – chunk it!

But right now, you are preparing for your most AMAZING year EVER.  And that takes clean, positive space and energy.

Everything has energy.

Everything from the clothing that you wear, to the books on your shelf, to the coffee cup on your counter.

When my mom died in the summer of 2010, my sister and I helped our father clean out Mom’s closet.  We ended up with twelve 50-gallon trash bags full of clothing, shoes, belts and handbags.  While I was glad that Goodwill shoppers would be able to find quality items, I was saddened at the volume of stuff.  Many of the clothes still had the price tags on them.  Lots of the shoes were unworn.  Let’s not even begin to talk about the beau-coup Precious Moment statues hidden in the cupboards.  All of this stuff did not make my mom a happy woman.

I had a personal epiphany.

I realized that no amount of stuff will make you happy.  No gift – or volume of gifts – will make someone love you more. No lack of gift to someone will make them love you less.

After Mom died, I really got the fact that everything in my environment had energy.  I began to shed stuff.   Six months after Mom died, I shed a metric ass-load of stuff when I moved from Texas to Ohio, bringing along only what fit in my car.

“Clutter is not just the stuff on your floor—it’s anything that stands between you and the life you want to be living.” — Peter Walsh

Disorder, clutter, and undone spaces in your home stall you from creating, sabotage your productivity, and keep you from embracing the life of your dreams.

Despite my shedding of physical stuff when I moved last year, clutter and disorder have found their way into my physical environment here and there.  I was wasting precious energy searching for the scissors in the junk drawer and was distracted from writing by the un-filed papers on my desk.

How do you eat an elephant?  

One bite at a time.

So, how does 30-days to Clarity:  Clutter Busting Edition work?  An email will be delivered each day to your inbox with a task for the day to help you shed physical clutter.  Each task will take less than 30 minutes – some will take less than five.

No matter how organized – or disorganized – you may be feeling now, by the end of the course, you’ll feel worlds lighter.  It also promises to be a fun, effective and affordable way to make space in your life for what matters most.

 

Just think: You and me (and more than a dozen kindred spirits). 30 Days. 30 Minutes (or less). Clearing space. Clearer thinking.

  • June 17, 2012 to July 17, 2012
  • August 05, 2012 to September 04, 2012
  • October 28, 2012 to November 27, 2012

Purchase by clicking here.

Curious? Questions?  Email me:  Debra AT 30DaystoClarity.Com

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